The way you look at me 

The way you look at me 

Strikes fear into my soul 

I cannot hold in my thoughts 

My brain lets then go 

Your touch, like velvet, cuts 

Deeper than any knife 

And your smile 

Though all the while

May be beautiful  if kills me even now

And when you laugh 

It makes me cry 

Your happy days just pass me by

Leaving me alone to die 

It’s not you 

You don’t even know your perfect 

It couldn’t be you 

You dont know the effect your words have 

And though in night and day 

And sun and rain 

You my friend shall change and grow

Yet I – I’ll stay the same 

For who could change 

This broken man 

And in years to come 

You will move in and move up in the world 

While I- I sit back and watch you fly 

While I- I sit by while you watch me die 

By December I’ll be dead 

So my darling – the one who never could know , the thoughts inside my head 

You go now 

I’ll let you go 

Then when I do you won’t even know 

I’ll be buried in an unknown field of snow 

Buried in an unknown field of snow 


Wintery feelings

There’s a chill in the air

And the cold winds moan and groan as they flow through your hair

And the snow flakes are frozen like your heart

And you wonder when spring will start

Spring doesn’t exist to you

For this winter is your act two

You’ve had your entr’acte of October

Only your finale awaits beyond the gates of November

What can be longer…

What can be longer than a day without you?

A day without you flies by,

It’s the days that I am with you I die.

The hours together in sun or cloud,

Are shrouded in a darkness of hatred.

What can be longer than an hour with you?

An hour with you is almost insufferable,

Its like scratching your eyeballs with thorns,

The blood and the tears sting as they fall

In a tsunami of hellish trauma.

What can be longer than a life like mine?

Its tiresome and slow and nothing goes right,

And the day is forever black.

The days fly by and the years roll on,

Like I’m not even living my life,

I’ll never marry or have children,

I’ll never have a good life,

So maybe now is the time to die,

To avoid all the worry and strife.

What can be longer than the nights?

When sleep disperses into the dark,

And the sun doesn’t rise till your ready sleep,

The night is long and the night is hard,

And there is no way that day can kill your pains.

It’s not 

it’s not cold yet I am freezing 

It’s not hot yet I am sweating 

It’s not Parkinson’s yet I am shaking 

It’s not Monday yet I am breaking 

The life we live is inexplicable 

Science has limits as do we 

You cannot explain my condition 

For it is the condition called life 

It brings worry it brings strife 

Nothing can save me now 

I sink lower and fall down tumbling into the endless night 

One thing is a saviour 

The thing you call death 

The thing I call a chance 

It’s not easy yet I’m willing 

Move – the fall

Step up and circle round

Left left left again like the tide you leave me everyday 

Move slowly stare deeper

See inside of me the ash that remains where a heartused to be

Take your steps with care

There’s no longer anything there you shall fall like I did

Move back move away 

Fall into the black abyss fall out of my life 
Moving round you won’t loose me 

Moving back you could fall down 

And if you do I won’t be there to lift you 

The fall you take will be your last 

Or is it mine – is the fall my step 

Is the fall my end not your?

A feeling

A feeling like a cancer grows

Enveloping my heart and home 

My eyes shut and mouth dries

My life ends and the world goes 

A feeling like a cancer grows

It kills me when it reaches full size

I cannot stop the growth within 

When without it life will end 

A feeling like a cancer grows and 

Every time I breathe I faint to see

To see another one die alone