Easy future

You think I have given up because where I want to be next requires no work

You don’t look any deeper or see how I’m hurt,

You believe I am lazy and a show off as well,

Well it’s not like that at all when you’re living in hell.

Changes may happen to those who work hard,

But why work for the future when you live in the past?

The blue skies are grey now,

The sunsets are black.

There’s nothing you can do now,

Just take another step back.

You see me as something I do not wish to be,

Im not happy, or careless and I’ll never be free,

You think I like that my future is achievable and there,

But you are wrong oh so wrong

For I’ll never be there.

I’ll be the one who tripped,

Fell down in no mans land.

Died on his back with blood pouring,

Seeing a star blink as if it’s a warning.

As the noble and brave run past my new grave,

I see their boots tread in the mud,

And I question once more what I ever lived for

For my body’s become the mud.

My future may be easy and achievable too

But I’ll never get there, unlike all you.

 

 

what you want

what you want
you wanna be laying dead back there
what you want, you wanna be dead
oh oh oh oh when the bodies move into the room
what you wish is that you’re inside a tomb
what you want, you wanna be still
oh oh oh oh you wanna be still
what you want you wanna be cut open, explored
what you want you wanna be another suicide
what you want you wanna have died
oh oh oh oh you wanna have died
when you want it? well ya want it now
when you got it? well ya won’t know anyhow
what you want is gonna be good
what you want is, an escape route
what you want you wanna be dead
oh oh oh oh when you’re laying bleeding what will ya do
when your body is dying and you can see da gloom
when the world is shutting down and you feel cold
when you realise you’ll never be old
oh oh oh oh you’ll never be old
what you want you wanna make those cuts deeper
wanna open up your body see if theres a heart in there
what you want you wanna be gone
oh oh oh oh you wanna be gone
when you’re going and your body is shutting down
and the lights flicker as the lids come down
will ya smile or will ya frown, when what ya want
is what ya got oh oh oh oh
what ya want is what ya got
when it hits ya and ya feel the room shake
when death comes and slits you open with his rake
when the scars don’t heal and the blood just pours
will ya be happy? will ya feel remorse?
when ya wish for cancers within ya skin
when your heart stops beating and you cannot see
when your life is over and the night is gone
will ya be happy when ya Gone?

Who makes the decisions around here?/ Let me meet your boss.

I do things I cannot comprehend or even pretend to,

When the blades in my hands another force Spurs me on,

When the knifes cutting deep it isn’t me holding the handle.

The changes that happens aren’t my decision, 

When I make an action I’m not present,

My hands move without me, my mouth moves without me.

Everything I do isn’t done by me, innocent of all charges am I.

If it’s not me that controls me then let me know who,

Let me meet the one who believes they have power,

Let me look into the eyes of my killer.

When I break free, because I will,

I’ll be the first one on that plane,

I’ll be out of here without a care in the world,

I’ll be me finally and I’ll be free finally and the time will go by and I won’t ever cry for I shall be my own King.

Doctor

As you slit them open do you ever think about the harm you do to each and every one they knew?

As you cut through their flesh do you have an ounce of remorse for those you kill with them?

When you peel back their skin to look within do you wet see the true devestation you create?

When you look into the empty cavity within the skin do you ever see your own pain and torment within?

If you cut deep then do you feel the bones of the one you mutilate or are they just liquid in your fingers?

When their blood flows out onto the chemically sanitised floors do you feel sick?

Are you proud of the genocide you commit when everyday you tear up people and their lives?

Will you ever remove your demons so you can leave others alone?

Will you ever be free?

Will you see?

Will you?

I hope so

I’m a Gardener

My fucking fault that the garden didn’t thrive,
My fucking fault that the flowers died.
I left that garden, I walked out,
It need attention and care,
Care I could never give it.
It was barren and cold,
But I helped it grow, never flowers,
Yet now bushes of emerald grow.
A garden has to do some of the work,
A gardener can never create,
From thin air, from nothing.
Without the aid the garden gives,
Without the seeds and buds,
The garden cannot grow.
My fucking fault the gardens dying,
But it’s also my fault the garden is growing.
It also my fault the garden is trying to grow,
It is also my fault that the garden is changing.
The trees grow taller and the apples fall onto the lawn,
Once fallen they turn rotten,
They never can be eaten, they’re as bitter,
As bitter as the rest of the garden,
As bitter as the gardener who left,
As bitter as the death that gardener faced that very same day.

The fountain pen 

Laying still against the soft, white sheets,

That sickly liquid bleeds out, 

Staining everything that surrounds,

The words it once wrote are destroyed,

The life it once led is over, 

The nib is blunt and broken, 

The damage is done, 

It’s silver casing is scratched and bartered, 

The dents of time are deep,

The end of this story has started, 

The inkwell is empty and the blood has drained, 

The pages are soaked and the night is coming, 

This fountain pen has writ it’s last page, 

It’s last story, it’s last poem, it’s last play,

It’s last note now ruined,

Now illegible, once held the secrets,

Once displayed the reasons,

The reasons for death,

The death of a writer.

The American Flag

Emblem of the Americans,

Blows in the wind, 

Red stripes cover it,

As they cover me.

The emblem is emblazoned 

On me, on everyone like me,

Each of us hosts our own,

Our own personal represntaion,

Of that flag. 

Our flags do not blow in the wind,

Our flags are still and cold,

Yet our flags keep changing,

Our flag is not set in stone.

No one sees our flag, 

Our flag sees them,

And that flag can envelop anyone.

In time you can see the way,

The way to make a flag of your own,

A flag that will kill you.

Black dragon

Standing still while the world moves by,

The changes occur and nothing helps you,

You stand tall and proud while staring at the ground. 

The water pours down yet you’re not wet, 

The sun beams shine down and light up the world for everyone,

Except you.

The world is changing yet you’re standing still,

Life moves on without you, 

And you fall into the endless pit,

It has many names, each person calls it something else,

You call it your normal state of mind,

Others call it attention seeking,

But most, most call it depression.

The black heartless dragon that attacks,

Tears out your heart and crushes your soul,

Changes your life, for better, for worse,

You’ll never know.

Flower

As another flower dies, in its broken bud,

A cloud of blossom in the sky blows down from God above.

In a flower bed amongst the dead,

A bulb beneath stirs and starts.

When spring comes once more,

After the thaw another flower shall grow.

In shades of red with a strong, green stem,

With a petal round and soft,

That flower will bloom, 

Until the doom of its inevitable death. 

If you have nights like mine,

If you have nights like mine,

You’ll know the torment and pain, when sleep evades you,

And the darkness that surrounds you makes the things you do,

Seem so wrong, and the night lasts so long.

So you put on that same old song.

As the music pervades the night you look around and see,

Nothing but the endless masses of darkness that won’t leave.

If you have nights like mine,

You will know when sleep comes it’ll kill you once more,

And the visions you see, you hope they won’t be,

But alas, you’re sure they will.