The sun is rising and it’s warm on my skin,
But I’m cold on the inside and the pains still within,
The light is bright and stings me eyes,
But my world is black and something inside me dies,
The beauty of the sky is serene and it calms you,
But I cannot enjoy the simplest things too,
The world I am in is a site that most love,
But I can’t love it, not when I’m who I am.
So you’re still shivering and crying at night,
So you’re still dying inside,
But you smile in the day and you’re laughing again,
And the sun creeps out once more,
There’s blackness all around you but it’s slowly turning grey,
And a single patch of green is there,
It’s small only a dot but it’ll grow into a spot,
As colour grows the feelings go,
But be warned this isn’t over,
If that green dies, you’re back inside,
And the black will shroud back over.
Holding me in your arms does more than you know,
Feeing love and feeling you is finding hope,
Be you friend or be you more,
I do not care, just be there,
Hold me close and let me feel happiness in your arms,
Holding me starts to fix the shattered heart inside,
Holding me saves a ruined soul,
I only hope I can do the same for you,
You need this as much as me, so let me be there too,
Let us do this and find a way to feel happiness when all I’ve known is hate,
I need this.
I stare into the face of one I do not know,
There are lines on his face and he’s tired and pained,
He has blood on his hands and bags on his eyes,
There’s an emptiness in his deep green eyes,
A tear runs down his pastel cheek and his tears drop on the floor,
A shard of mirror falls to his feet,
Another part of him as dead as the rest,
That man is me and I see him everyday,
That man is me and his face won’t change,
That man is me and he is now dead,
That mirrors still broken, how can I change.
I see orange in the sky tonight,
Alas the sea of black is broken at last,
Whether they be flames of the fire that will enwrap my soul,
Whether they be the bright days ahead,
I walk to them quaking with fear,
The brightness gets nearer and nearer,
And all at once I see the dark behind me,
Be this the end of pain or the end of life,
Be this the end of all or my start a new,
I am ready now,
A new day will dawn,
If I stand here still I shall go mad,
Let the brightness descend upon me,
Let it end me or change me,
Let this be my epilogue or my preface,
Let this be the time,
Now and forever more the new day will always dawn.
I see it now as clear as day, standing right before me,
I reach out touch it but it fades and I can no longer see.
I feel its presence as sure as night,
But it haunts my dreams and I wake in fright.
It scars where I have already got scars deep and raw,
It claws into my deep, dark soul,
It clutches on what’s left of me, the tatters of skin still sore,
It knows how to consume my life, every part, whole.
It may be clear to me now, but it will never be clear to them,
The pain I feel and see and know,
It never really was true.
Sometimes in the night I see shadows and figures,
And they’re holding me tight with their dagger like fingers,
They move in close and shroud me in pain,
And they drag out my soul and I’m falling again.
Sometimes in the dark when there’s nobody there,
I reach out to the light in pain and despair,
The figures surround me and draw me in close,
And I feel their hands as tight as a noose.
Sometimes when it’s black and day is dead,
I scratch through my skin laying still on the bed,
And although my screams are silent one day someone will hear,
As they’ll be ever nearer and the darkness will clear.
I can’t love you today,
I’m not ready, you’re not here,
I can’t deal with love when all I have is hate,
Love is the most distant of emotions,
Is it real? Isn’t it just a social construct made to make us feel like we deserve life,
Is life without love worth living?
Is love without a life worth living?
If you can’t love me how I am today,
You won’t love me tomorrow,
I can’t be what I’m not,
So love me tomorrow, love me today,
Love me whenever, Like I care,
Love won’t help now, it’s too late already.
Overtime we think we’re still the same,
But inside we’re changing and we’re going insane.
It seems like we never move on or become someone new,
But really inside it’s all we ever do.
Change comes but once is a lie told by many,
Change is a constant and it makes us who we are,
From the darkest nights with the deepest scars,
From the brightest days with the longest kisses,
To the end of the road and the overdose of pills,
To the ice cream and popcorn and a nice new movie,
We are changing all the time and though we never know,
The changes that are made inside will one day truly show.
Two years ago this all began and in two years the world has changed so much,
The world has shifted immensely and the floor now quakes,
Hearts have grown bigger and been punctured and bruised,
The scars that are worn haven’t been removed,
The feelings that once dominated still linger on,
Shadows that grew floor to ceiling and enveloped the room still spin in the gloom,
Two years may be a long time and we may change a lot,
But two years is not enough,
Two years cannot move you beyond the person you were,
Aspects of you may change but at heart nothing has truly shifted,
Your veins may still be blue and your heart may still pump,
They won’t stop until you do, until you, until you stop.