Nothing but pain to fall back on 

I was doing so well, 

Taking huge steps forwards,

I was on the way I thought,

I started to meet people,

I started to explore what it was to be with someone,

I was enjoying what I did,

I was finally happy being me,

And then I came ‘home’.

I tried to be the person I really was,

My own mother shunned me,

I was pushed back,

I lost touch with so many,

I hated what I was doing,

I lost the feelings I had gained,

I lost what it was to be happy again,

I had nothing to fall back on but pain.

I’m flat on my back,

I’m dying inside and fighting falling further,

I’m trying to not pick up the blades again,

I’m trying to leave the pills too,

But they’re calling to me now again,

I don’t know if it’s just distance that did this,

I don’t know if this would’ve been the same if I never came ‘home’,

But I did and I have and I live with that choice, 

But I’ll rejoice as soon as I’m gone.


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