Make me forget (A love letter to alcohol)

Make me forget what I truly feel,

But make me say what I truly have to say,

Make me forget how much I am hurting,

But make me feel like everything’s okay.

Make me forget what came before,

But make me happy about what’s coming,

Make me forget the life that I am living,

But make me make a memory I’ll look back on someday.

The feelings you conjure hide those I hate,

The morning after you don’t feel so great,

But your thoughts and feelings are worth the lasting pain.
The way you make me forget,

And the way you give me confidence,

They give me the chance to live.

I’ll never live without you no matter what people say,

The things you do for me, I can’t have any other way.

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Everything can change

Everything can change in moments,

From winter to spring there are months between,

But from alone to not, it’s seconds,

It’s funny how you can feel alone in a crowded room,

But that can change too,

It’s all mindset, it’s all choices,

You make the choice to focus on one not all,

You make the choice to focus on all not one,

Everything can change drastically in a year,

From alive but dead inside to living to the full,

From the darkest time to the most bright future,

Everything can develop, everything can change,

No matter how good it is,

No matter how bad it is,

Nothing will be the same,

Everything can and does change,

So be ready for change, embrace change,

Let change be your saviour,

Don’t let life be set,

As soon as it’s set, it’s set to hurt you when it changes.

The return 

I’m back in the place that I thought I thrived,

The place where I grew,

The place I left my shell and was truly myself,

I want to do it again,

I want to be the same as I was before,

I hope that I can,

I know that I can,

I just have to try,

So I’ll try, 

Because I’ve returned.

Change 

Well I’m confused, 

You push me back and I fall,

I’m in pain and I’m back in hell.

But I’ve bounced back so quickly,

I’m back to myself,

I’m content and peaceful,

I’m just so free of those thoughts, 

And even when I’m down now,

They don’t cloud my mind,

I think I’m past it,

I can safely say,

Mental health issues aren’t forever,

Everything does change.

Nothing but pain to fall back on 

I was doing so well, 

Taking huge steps forwards,

I was on the way I thought,

I started to meet people,

I started to explore what it was to be with someone,

I was enjoying what I did,

I was finally happy being me,

And then I came ‘home’.

I tried to be the person I really was,

My own mother shunned me,

I was pushed back,

I lost touch with so many,

I hated what I was doing,

I lost the feelings I had gained,

I lost what it was to be happy again,

I had nothing to fall back on but pain.

I’m flat on my back,

I’m dying inside and fighting falling further,

I’m trying to not pick up the blades again,

I’m trying to leave the pills too,

But they’re calling to me now again,

I don’t know if it’s just distance that did this,

I don’t know if this would’ve been the same if I never came ‘home’,

But I did and I have and I live with that choice, 

But I’ll rejoice as soon as I’m gone.

Mixed up mindset 

Your brains become a cocktail shaker,

It’s muddling up all you know, 

You’re confused bout how you feel,

And the pains all too real,

But you’re happy right now too?

You’re a mess of emotional contradictions,

You’re a tangled web of thoughts,

You know how you want to feel,

You know how you felt,

But you don’t know how you feel right now,

You’ve got a mixed up mindset,

And it rattles you to the core,

You wish you knew how the others felt bout you,

For if you knew how they were,

Could you match that too?

Or would the truth put you out in the clear?

You won’t untangle the knot in your brain but you can make it through,

Stay strong little man, 

And I know that you can be the man that you’re dreaming of being.

Happiness 

It’s a ray of light in the darkest night,

It’s a smiling face in a crowd of grey,

It can change your outlook for just a minute,

But that’s a minute you’ll always cherish,

It’s a message that makes you smile in between the abuse,

It’s a piece of hope for your future when you think it’s not going good,

It’s there more and more often now,

So welcome it in, don’t shy away,

These moments will get longer,

And one day, they’ll stay.

Is this…

Is this pain real, does it really linger on,

Does it still come back to hurt me after oh so long,

Is this everlasting, a perpetual state of pain,

Does it go anytime or is it just mine for all time,

Is there anything worth holding on to,

Is there someone who truly cares,

Can anyone help in the madness that’s there, that’s always there,

When the tears soak your pillow,

When the night time never ends,

Will there be anyone willing to see that the pain isn’t there,

The pain has a hold, but someone could take it away,

But they just refuse to do that, it’s yours always, okay.

Impossible 

It’s impossible sometimes to put down in words,

What you are truly feeling,

The feelings are so mixed, so confused, that words cannot describe,

And you sit and you try but through all of your might,

It’s a task that you just cannot get right,

No one emotion pervades and is clear,

And this mixture of feelings is painful to feel,

And you wish for a change, to know who you are,

But the emotions are mixing and you’re losing yourself.

Paralysed 

I’m just laying here, wishing I could go,

My mind is numb and my body is weak,

The escape that I yearn for is a distant dream,

It’s like knowing what is possible yet living through the pain again,

There’s no escape when you’re paralysed,

When you cannot physically run anymore,

And even if you escape the physical reality, 

You know that it’s the mentality that hurts you more,

So you’re stuck in this hell, 

And you’re crying for help but they don’t see and so you’re sinking.