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The further you get,

The better you get,

The happier you feel,

The smile you share,

The embraces you give,

They can all collapse in seconds,

You’re back where you were,

You’re as bad as before,

You’re as sad as in the past,

You frown like before,

You lose contact with all,

It’s a crushing blow again.

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This makes no sense

I’m sitting here, sitting here alone,

But I’ve got three of my friends here,

There’s music on and they’re chatting,

But somehow I’m alone,

Somehow I feel an immense sense of isolation,

There is no reason, there is no explanation,

All there is to it, is that inside I am alone,

There is no one can fix this,

No one can end the perpetual isolation of my soul.

The reply (A retort to A love letter to alcohol) 

I may help you forget, 

I may help you be open,

I may help you lose your fear,

I may help keep you sane, 

But I am no friend, 

I will make you remember things you long to forget,

I will make you tell people what you should not tell,

I will make you do things you’ll regret,

I will make you lose your mind in the end,

I am no friend, no lover, 

I shall do for you what I do for millions of others,

I am not your remedy,

I am not your cure,

Your mind cannot be fixed with drink.

Allow me to say;

Say it all, please be honest, 

Let’s hear every word,

Every um and ah that you’ve ever considered,

Every sound you’ve wished to make,

People say to hide your feelings,

But it’s time the world saw more,

It’s time that men can say out loud,

When they’re sad, when they’re weak,

When they’re alone, when they’re scared,

Men need the opportunity to open up,

It’s about time we could speak our minds,

A man has a mind,

The same as a woman,

But she can openly cry,

She can say what she feels,

She can rely on her friends when men can’t,

It’s not fair, it’s our world,

It’s time that we changed,

Let’s give men a chance,

Let’s not let the emotions they hold be their deaths, 

Let emotions run free,

Let tears pour,

It’s time not to say it all.

Make me forget (A love letter to alcohol)

Make me forget what I truly feel,

But make me say what I truly have to say,

Make me forget how much I am hurting,

But make me feel like everything’s okay.

Make me forget what came before,

But make me happy about what’s coming,

Make me forget the life that I am living,

But make me make a memory I’ll look back on someday.

The feelings you conjure hide those I hate,

The morning after you don’t feel so great,

But your thoughts and feelings are worth the lasting pain.
The way you make me forget,

And the way you give me confidence,

They give me the chance to live.

I’ll never live without you no matter what people say,

The things you do for me, I can’t have any other way.

Everything can change

Everything can change in moments,

From winter to spring there are months between,

But from alone to not, it’s seconds,

It’s funny how you can feel alone in a crowded room,

But that can change too,

It’s all mindset, it’s all choices,

You make the choice to focus on one not all,

You make the choice to focus on all not one,

Everything can change drastically in a year,

From alive but dead inside to living to the full,

From the darkest time to the most bright future,

Everything can develop, everything can change,

No matter how good it is,

No matter how bad it is,

Nothing will be the same,

Everything can and does change,

So be ready for change, embrace change,

Let change be your saviour,

Don’t let life be set,

As soon as it’s set, it’s set to hurt you when it changes.

The return 

I’m back in the place that I thought I thrived,

The place where I grew,

The place I left my shell and was truly myself,

I want to do it again,

I want to be the same as I was before,

I hope that I can,

I know that I can,

I just have to try,

So I’ll try, 

Because I’ve returned.

Change 

Well I’m confused, 

You push me back and I fall,

I’m in pain and I’m back in hell.

But I’ve bounced back so quickly,

I’m back to myself,

I’m content and peaceful,

I’m just so free of those thoughts, 

And even when I’m down now,

They don’t cloud my mind,

I think I’m past it,

I can safely say,

Mental health issues aren’t forever,

Everything does change.

Nothing but pain to fall back on 

I was doing so well, 

Taking huge steps forwards,

I was on the way I thought,

I started to meet people,

I started to explore what it was to be with someone,

I was enjoying what I did,

I was finally happy being me,

And then I came ‘home’.

I tried to be the person I really was,

My own mother shunned me,

I was pushed back,

I lost touch with so many,

I hated what I was doing,

I lost the feelings I had gained,

I lost what it was to be happy again,

I had nothing to fall back on but pain.

I’m flat on my back,

I’m dying inside and fighting falling further,

I’m trying to not pick up the blades again,

I’m trying to leave the pills too,

But they’re calling to me now again,

I don’t know if it’s just distance that did this,

I don’t know if this would’ve been the same if I never came ‘home’,

But I did and I have and I live with that choice, 

But I’ll rejoice as soon as I’m gone.