I am nothing,
I am here, but my job isn’t real,
You all say I’m a part of this,
But I’ve never felt more outside of it,
I am ignored,
My voice is silent,
I am useless to you all,
I am nothing anymore,
It’s really harsh, the truth,
But just know this,
I understand what I am,
I am useless.
Forget regret,
Let it die behind you,
Move forward, stand straight,
Let life change and grow,
Let your mind let go,
Nothing goes forever,
We’ll never be the same,
So live today while you’re alive,
And let love shout your name.
Night comes and I shiver,
Another time that I’m alone again,
Green lights fill the gloom,
My heart beating drowns out the silence,
There’s a kind of hush that can’t be made,
A kind of darkness that can’t be penetrated,
It can’t change or rather won’t,
But maybe one day it will,
But who can say for certain?
Night comes and I shiver,
Another time that I’m alone again,
Green lights fill the gloom,
My heart beating drowns out the silence,
There’s a kind of hush that can’t be made,
A kind of darkness that can’t be penetrated,
It can’t change or rather won’t,
But maybe one day it will,
But who can say for certain?
I’ve been so quiet,
It’s been so quiet,
The wind blows but the leaves don’t rustle,
The water flows but the river doesn’t splash,
The blood pulses but the heart doesn’t beat,
The poet breathes but the pen runs dry.
There are words forming, stories growing,
But everyday they die again,
They are stuck and settled, retained and sure,
They’ll never leave, they’ve been here too long,
This is the silence breaking, the sun through the cloud once more,
Yet still that voice is fading like the moon in the noon sky.
What am I doing?
Again alone here,
Again knowing what I’ve done,
Why am I doing this?
Why do we meet?
Why do I put it off?
And delay at every fence?
It’s a rough world in transition,
It’s a painful life for all,
But for me it’s torment and torture as I push him away while I call,
I can’t decide what to do,
I want to be with someone, but I’m scared,
And that means I’m alone again.
My head is pounding, thumping and beating,
It’s like someone is trapped within,
This is the strangest of feelings, the weirdest thing,
I can only subdue it with gin.
My heart is racing, pulsing, convulsing,
It’s been set on overdrive and won’t subside,
So I grope and reach and find anything for me to cling,
These feelings will never leave me, not till I’ve died.
My body is sweating, shivering, shaking,
It’s being beaten, it’s falling down, I am nearly 6ft in the ground,
It can’t be stopped and won’t be stopped because I am breaking,
Life is a rollercoaster and mine is coming to a stop, I am no longer safe and sound.
I’ve been silenced, my heart and mind at war,
I’ve been fighting for something so much bigger,
I’ve not said what I want to say,
I’ll never be done.
I’ve been someone else since that fateful day,
I’ve been trying to make my life something worth living,
I’ve not written the final lines,
I’ll be done soon.
I’ve been living in a fantasy of all kinds,
I’ve been waiting for my time and it still hasn’t come,
I’ll never finish,
But I will be done.
I see orange in the sky tonight,
Alas the sea of black is broken at last,
Whether they be flames of the fire that will enwrap my soul,
Whether they be the bright days ahead,
I walk to them quaking with fear,
The brightness gets nearer and nearer,
And all at once I see the dark behind me,
Be this the end of pain or the end of life,
Be this the end of all or my start a new,
I am ready now,
A new day will dawn,
If I stand here still I shall go mad,
Let the brightness descend upon me,
Let it end me or change me,
Let this be my epilogue or my preface,
Let this be the time,
Now and forever more the new day will always dawn.
I see it now as clear as day, standing right before me,
I reach out touch it but it fades and I can no longer see.
I feel its presence as sure as night,
But it haunts my dreams and I wake in fright.
It scars where I have already got scars deep and raw,
It claws into my deep, dark soul,
It clutches on what’s left of me, the tatters of skin still sore,
It knows how to consume my life, every part, whole.
It may be clear to me now, but it will never be clear to them,
The pain I feel and see and know,
It never really was true.
Hedwig Robinson 